Fading
by natashabromanoff
Summary: From the prompt "Jack watches Alex fade away", for the 2016 SpyFest Fic Exchange.


**A/N:** so, I'm a couple days late for Christmas, but have a fic anyway! I'm not sure how well I fulfilled the prompt, but for some reason this plot was really speaking to me. I guess I'm still bitter about Jack's death.

* * *

As Jack continues to make her way through Razim's compound without major incident, she can't help but feel that maybe, just maybe, it's too easy.

Where are the guards? The security measures? Could Razim really have missed something this glaringly obvious?

Jack forces the thoughts out of her mind, however, because Razim has Alex and could be torturing him right now, and she needs to go get help before it's too late.

She gets in the car and is almost surprised to find that it starts. There's no real reason that Razim would keep a non-functioning vehicle around his compound, but she keeps expecting something to go wrong.

But it starts, and it even goes pretty well when she floors the gas. She immediately heads out of the compound, refusing to let up on her speed. She isn't sure exactly where she's going, but if she can get back to Cairo she should be able to figure it out from there. Someone will know how to help Alex, she just has to get out.

But she doesn't make it very far before there's a flash of bright light and immediate, all-consuming darkness.

For a moment, she sees an image of Alex and thinks _I'm sorry_ , and then even that fades away.

* * *

It takes Jack a while to realize that she's dead, or maybe no time at all (it's hard to judge time, for some reason). The room - no, room doesn't fit so much as _space_ \- the space that she's in is washed in a gentle white light and doesn't seem to have an end. A door is...sort of _existing_ not too far away from her, and she feels a slight pull towards it anytime she looks at it.

But there's also a screen, or a window maybe, hovering near her, and she's looking at it and trying to figure out what it is when she remembers-

 _Alex._

Immediately, the screen flickers to life. She can see Alex, who looks beat up but mostly okay otherwise, talking to a man she doesn't recognize. The man seems to be reassuring Alex, but the boy breaks down in tears and sinks to the ground.

Jack wishes she could hear him, and as soon as she thinks it sound crackles out through seemingly nonexistent speakers.

"She's gone, Ben, she's gone and I killed J-Julius and I don't know what to do," Alex sobs. "She's gone, how can she be gone? I miss her it was my f-fault _I don't know what to do_."

Jack realizes with a start that the _she_ must be her and reaches out as if she could touch Alex. She can't.

The man - Ben, she supposes? - wraps Alex in a gentle hug. "It'll be alright," he soothes.

Alex doesn't say anything, just holds on and cries.

Jack feels like it should be her there helping Alex, but she knows she doesn't get to do that anymore.

* * *

She isn't sure exactly how much time she spends just sitting there watching Alex. Time still seems to be passing strangely, and it's definitely passing differently for her than it is for Alex. Occasionally whatever she's watching through - it looks too real to be just a screen - flickers and jumps around, but it always shows Alex.

He doesn't seem to be doing well. He's... _fading._ He doesn't get out of bed much, but he doesn't really sleep either. He cries a lot, which always cuts right to Jack's heart. She wishes she could be there to put a comforting arm around him and tell him that everything is going to be okay.

She wishes, not for the first time, that she was still alive, that she could still help him.

The man she had seen before, Ben, starts to show up more and more. He talks to Alex, even when the boy doesn't say anything in reply. It seems to be helping, but it's hard to tell.

Jack feels useless. Alex is struggling and there's absolutely nothing she can do to help him.

All she can do is keep watching, so that's what she does.

* * *

Over time, Alex starts to smile again. He still goes on occasional missions, which makes Jack's blood boil, but he also seems to have some support he never had before. There are extractions now, and medical care and even therapy, though Alex doesn't accept that offer.

And then, one day, Ben adopts Alex. Legally and officially.

The missions stop almost completely, Jack assumes as a result of having an actual adult guardian who isn't the Bank. Alex goes back to school, back to his life.

He seems...happy. Jack smiles. This is all she ever wanted for him.

"Jack," says a soft, familiar voice behind her. She turns around and finds, to her surprise, that the mysterious door is open.

"Grandma?" she whispers.

"He's going to be okay, sweetie," her grandma says softly. "You can let him go now."

Jack feels tears gather in her eyes and throws herself into her grandma's hug just as she erupts into full-on sobs.

"I l-left him, Grandma, I was supposed to watch out for him and I just left him-"

"Jack, honey, it wasn't your choice," her grandma says reassuringly. "And he's going to be okay now."

Jack knows her grandma is right - Alex has friends and support and now even a family - but she still feels a deep sting of guilt. Slowly, her tears abate.

"You did the best you could, Jack. And he knows that." Her grandma rubs her back. "Are you ready to come with me?"

Jack swallows, wipes at her eyes. "Will I still be able to see him?"

"Not while he's still alive."

Jack takes a deep breath. Alex is going to be fine, she tells herself firmly. And there's no point in her staying here when she can't do anything to help him.

"Okay," she says. "I'll come with you."

Her grandma smiles and takes her hand before leading her through the doorway.

The last thing Jack sees before the door swings closed is Alex, smiling.

Happy.

And then the image fades away, and Jack too is content.

* * *

 **A/N:** a late merry christmas, an in-progress happy hanukkah, a general happy holidays, and an early happy new year! thanks for reading 3


End file.
